Overbearing Micromanager Insists Her Employees Love Being Micromanaged

LOS ANGELES – Tired of the bad wrap that micromanaging receives, a self-proclaimed micromanager insists that her employees love her management style.

Anna Danilyuk of Inglewood heads up the marketing department at Iron Claw Inc., a global IT security company. Supervising a team of six employees, Danilyuk states her micromanaging is what keeps the department afloat — and that her employees undoubtedly love it.

“My employees love my management style,” Danilyuk commented without letting anyone on her team speak. “They’re perfectly happy letting me do all their work for them so they don’t make any stupid mistakes.”

Stephanie Platt, a graphic designer, was asked if she truly likes Danilyuk’s overbearing approach.

“She does,” said Danilyuk, who refused to let her chime in. “Stephanie is thankful that she doesn’t have to think for herself around here.”

Colin Williams, an events manager, was asked about a recent screw-up involving an international tradeshow that he was organizing.

“Our itinerary was incorrect,” Danilyuk joyfully butted in again without letting Williams say a word. “If I hadn’t taken over and made the mistake, Colin surely would have.”

Danilyuk attempted to micromanage us into submission with her own writeup of this story before being told to piss off.

Note: I do not write for the Onion, but I like to pretend that I do.