Possible Psychopath Heartbroken After Being Dumped By Imaginary Girlfriend

TAMPA – A Tampa Bay man is writhing in pain after his imaginary girlfriend rejected his romantic advancements.

Jerry Tortorella, 32, had been in an exclusive relationship with Grizelda de la Huron, age unknown, since first summoning her into existence more than five years ago.

“I really loved her,” said a teary Tortorella. “But she said I was too clingy and possibly a psychopath.”

Tortorella says he proposed marriage to de la Huron while engaged in a heated lightsaber duel using toy Star Wars replicas. Wanting to make it official, Tortorella presented de la Huron with an engagement ring, which she promptly discarded before disappearing into thin air.

“I haven’t seen her since,” said Tortorella. “All I have is this imaginary restraining order that she sent me after stomping all over my heart.”

When asked if Tortorella would imagine a new girlfriend, he became visibly agitated.

“Imaginary women are just crazy, man,” proclaimed Tortorella. “Grizelda once cheated on me with my imaginary stepbrother, so I think I’ll just be single for a while.”

A message sent to Grizelda’s imaginary e-mail address was undeliverable.

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