Guy With Nothing Better To Do Demands Tax Audit Of Neighborhood Lemonade Stand

DES MOINES – A lemonade stand run by two neighborhood youths is being targeted by a local man who is calling for an IRS investigation into what he claims are “severe tax fraud violations.”

Mark Firth, 40, who has lived in the Gated Shadows community of Des Moines for six years, says the children operating the lemonade stand are committing tax evasion and operating without a business license.

“I demanded to see a business license and they couldn’t show me,” commented Firth. “Then, I asked to see their 1099’s or I would contact the IRS, but they claimed to have no clue what I was talking about.”

Firth believes that the lemonade stand could possibly owe tens of dollars in back taxes.

“The IRS needs to investigate these con artists for tax fraud,” proclaimed Firth.

The operators of the lemonade stand, known only as Katie and Sara, say they’re simply providing a service for thirsty neighbors.

“I don’t even know what a tax invasion is,” said Katie, age 9. “I pinky promise.” Katie’s partner, Sara, also age 9, pinky promised as well. The two have been operating the Sunny Smile Lemonade Stand for three months and charge 25 cents per glass. They said all proceeds are donated to homeless shelters around the greater Des Moines area.

But Firth isn’t buying it, going as far as accusing the girls of orchestrating a massive suburban crime precinct with connections to the Chicago mafia.

“It all starts somewhere,” said Firth. “Before you know it, Al Capone’s gonna be knocking on everyone’s door, demanding his lemonade money.”

A phone call to Al Capone was not immediately returned.

Note: I do not write for the Onion, but I like to pretend that I do.