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Guy With Nothing Better To Do Demands Tax Audit Of Neighborhood Lemonade Stand
Portfolio / Unauthorized Onion Articles

Guy With Nothing Better To Do Demands Tax Audit Of Neighborhood Lemonade Stand

Posted on: January 19, 2025March 6, 2025

A lemonade stand run by two neighborhood youths is being targeted by a local man who is calling for an IRS investigation into what he claims are “severe tax fraud violations.”

Spirit Of Dead Guy Deems “Ghosting” An Offensive Term
Unauthorized Onion Articles

Spirit Of Dead Guy Deems “Ghosting” An Offensive Term

Posted on: April 22, 2024March 10, 2025

The specter of a man who died in 1999 and was accidentally summoned back to reality through a game of Ouija is calling for a national ban of the term “ghosting,” claiming it is an offensive slur to spirits such as himself.

Millennial Demands Lower Salary Because She Thinks She Makes Too Much Money
Unauthorized Onion Articles

Millennial Demands Lower Salary Because She Thinks She Makes Too Much Money

Posted on: July 22, 2023July 22, 2023

A financially sound millennial is making headlines with complaints that her job pays her too much money — and now she is demanding a pay cut.

Overbearing Micromanager Insists Her Employees Love Being Micromanaged
Unauthorized Onion Articles

Overbearing Micromanager Insists Her Employees Love Being Micromanaged

Posted on: July 22, 2023July 22, 2023

Tired of the bad wrap that micromanaging receives, a self-proclaimed micromanager insists that her employees love her management style.

Possible Psychopath Heartbroken After Being Dumped By Imaginary Girlfriend
Unauthorized Onion Articles

Possible Psychopath Heartbroken After Being Dumped By Imaginary Girlfriend

Posted on: July 19, 2023July 23, 2023

A Tampa Bay man is writhing in pain after his imaginary girlfriend rejected his romantic advancements.

Local Man Wins Settlement After Successfully Suing Himself
Unauthorized Onion Articles

Local Man Wins Settlement After Successfully Suing Himself

Posted on: July 19, 2023July 20, 2023

In a legal case that’s leaving people scratching their heads more than the plot of Christopher Nolan’s “Tenet,” a Seattle-area man is nearly three million dollars richer after bringing a lawsuit upon himself – and winning.

Guy Petitions Federal Government For More Solar Eclipses
Unauthorized Onion Articles

Guy Petitions Federal Government For More Solar Eclipses

Posted on: July 19, 2023July 20, 2023

A Southern California man has launched a petition requesting that the United States Government enact total solar eclipses on a more routine basis.

Local Woman Denies Her Own Existence
Unauthorized Onion Articles

Local Woman Denies Her Own Existence

Posted on: July 19, 2023July 20, 2023

Believing she is a figment of everyone’s imagination, a Portland-area woman has recently come forward with denials that she even exists.

Angry Man Sues In-N-Out For Making Their Food Too Tasty
Unauthorized Onion Articles

Angry Man Sues In-N-Out For Making Their Food Too Tasty

Posted on: July 19, 2023July 20, 2023

A local man is taking matters into his own hands to combat what he refers to as the “growing epidemic” of fast food tasting too good.

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